So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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