It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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