Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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