his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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