turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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