Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
