my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
