the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
