I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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