its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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