Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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