CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
