Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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