so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
