Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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