Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
