i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
