gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
