Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
