i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
