in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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