Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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