you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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