Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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