i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
