I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You are a genius and a whore.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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