My friends, they love my intelligence
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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