I accidentally had phone sex last night
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
