We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
