Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
