i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
