Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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