He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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