Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
porn star boner night. come get it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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