I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
