there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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