you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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