First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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