Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
