Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
