I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
