it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
