Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
