Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
please come you make the beer taste better
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
