U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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