question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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