i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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