She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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