the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
