I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
