The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
