I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
