i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
