dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
