so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
