I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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