Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
