I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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