you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
