I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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