You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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