If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Oh god it's open bar.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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