imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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