i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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