Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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