apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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